


Will You Still Love Me When All I've Got Is My Aching Soul?

by Cawerkuu



Series: Older!Takaritsu [1]
Category: Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Birthday, Birthday Fluff, Body Dysphoria, Childhood Memories, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Growing Old Together, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Loving Marriage, M/M, Marriage, Married Couple, Married Sex, Non-Graphic Smut, Old Married Couple, Older Characters, Past Drug Use, Post-Canon, Smoking, Viagra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-25 21:30:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18171704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cawerkuu/pseuds/Cawerkuu
Summary: He never thought this would happen to him but his age is catching up to him, making unwanted things happen to his body.





	Will You Still Love Me When All I've Got Is My Aching Soul?

**Author's Note:**

> By old, I mean Takano is fourty and Ritsu is thirty-eight.

He never did like his birthday. When he was younger, he enjoyed it since his parents weren't fighting then and would make the time to celebrate with their only son despite their busy jobs as a physical doctor and public attorney. He remembers his mother used to make the cake herself at home and they would all spend the day watching his favorite shows on television and sometimes even his childhood friends would stop by and offer their present to him. While they had the means and the space to throw a party, they never did because Takano never wanted one as a kid.

He just wanted his parents for his birthday. 

But then the tension started to build when he was fifteen before he noticed. While he grew out of his naive phase as anyone does as the age, he hadn't noticed the problems arising between their parents. Back then, they had the decency to want to hide their arguing and frustrations with each other from him. By then, his mother ordered the cake from a shop instead and his father just ordered unwrapped presents despite them both getting him wrapped and well-prepared presents the years previously. The moment they gave it to them, his father would hurry off to work, claiming an emergency in the hospital and his mother would kiss his cheek and give him the credit card in case he wanted to order a pizza later or buy a movie on the DVR. 

But when it was all unraveled, his true feelings about his birthday arose and the true nature of his parent's relationship was known by the entire neighbor at this point with how much they screamed and seemingly were on the verge of getting violent with each other. He hated how nosy other people were, stopping him on his way from or to the house to ask if he was okay and how his family was holding up. It wasn't like he had died.

At seventeen years of age, he started dating a freshman named Ritsu Oda who had somehow gained romantic feelings for him since three years ago. It was annoying at first that he some stalker and he wanted to utterly destroy the kid's heart. When he suddenly heard the confession, he wanted to twist and wreck Oda just like his parents had ruined everything that had once lit a light inside him and now he was just a dark husk of who he once was or who he is. He didn't understand any of that. He began to find himself having daydreams as December approached about celebrating his birthday with Oda. The thought of having a cake on the table before them while Ritsu handed a present he had wrapped so ever delicately and purposefully with a sweet smile and the red dusting his cheeks like always, making his skin glow above the lit candles on the cake made his being want to lit the flame up again. 

But then one little chuckle made the shy, stuttering boyfriend of his kick him dead-on in the face and race out of the house. He tried running after him after he gained control of the shock he was feeling but he couldn't find him. He decided it was better to wait till tomorrow morning at school instead of racing after the petite boy across all of Tokyo. 

But

He was never there and this time around, his birthday was more miserable than ever. 

And he can't help but feel the same way he does now as a forty-year-old, staring at his beautiful husband. He had learned long ago that Ritsu Onodera was Ritsu Oda and just decided that making a fake identity just for the sign-out cards so he wouldn't notice in their high school years. Yeah, that didn't work. His husband was idiot back then and still is. 

He's getting old and he knows it. It was just a few days before that he discovered a gray hair just a couple of days of ago and it was the first time in years since the first few years of reuniting with Ritsu that he felt scared out of his mind and it was by something so small. It was just one thin strand of hair! What was the matter with him?

"Hngh," His lovely boyfriend shuffled against him, the adorable man pressing the side of his face against his chest. The warmth that was seeping into him from his boyfriend was usually something he could never get enough of but it only seemed to be the sudden reminder of how his age was catching up to him.

Since reuniting, they spent their birthday together even before they were together. Sure, maybe he dragged Ritsu around for those first two years but neither of them really regret it. He remembers how they had spent their birthdays together a couple after twelve years of being separate because of a stupid misunderstanding. Throughout the years, they always made time, even of just an hour, to celebrate each other's birthdays. 

Takano loved to spend that day making love to Ritsu, caressing and grasping his lover's plump and mesmerizing body. He loved to take it slow, preciously and gently making his boyfriend feel like he was the most beautiful thing Takano has ever laid his eyes on. (He is, always have been.) He even loved the way Ritsu would throw his limbs around Takano, tearing up at the sweetness his boyfriend would emit and would mumble and stutter how much he loved Takano and was so so very thankful for him. (Little did he know, Takano felt the same way if not more.)

But now, he hated that today was Christmas Eve, his birthday. He loves his husband, he really does, and he'll do anything to make him happy. He just wished he didn't want to celebrate Takano's birthday.

He feels old and he hates it. Sure, they're only two years apart in age but Takano isn't really thinking rationally right now. His boyfriend doesn't have a single gray hair on his head and his locks are silky and healthy as ever between his fingers as he massages the thirty-eight-year-old's scalp. His skin is soft and plump as ever against Takano's, a cruel reminder of how sharp and rough his skin has changed since over a decade ago when they were young and early in their new fresh start of a relationship. 

"Mm," He hears his boyfriend hum, slowly fighting his way towards awareness. He doesn't want his partner to wake up. He doesn't want his husband to open his eyes and see how much weaker, wrinkler, and colder he is than what he once was. He doesn't want to be naked against Ritsu right now, despite how much he loves being close to him and trusting Ritsu with all of the doubts and working through them together but again, Takano isn't being very rational today. 

He has the resist the urge to crawl out of the warm cavern he's in and throw on some clothes to cover up all of his flaws when Ritsu finally stirs out of his sleeping state, reaching up to try and rub the drowsiness out his heavy eyelids. God, he always looks wonderful even just waking up from sleep. His disheveled locks, rosy cheeks, and honey-glazed skin scream everything that Takano is not. 

Ritsu is beautiful from head to toe without a doubt in his mind. There's no flaw Takano could find on him. 

"...Masamune?" He mumbles sleepily, looking up at his ravenette husband. He moves closer, tugging Takano's body closer who hadn't realized he had been shying away from his lover. "You're supposed to snuggle me, you know. Isn't that what you promised?"

Ah, their wedding. It was hard getting married in Japan despite the country being very progressive compared to Asian standards. All of Japan didn't issue certifications to same-sex couples but thankfully, they live in Tokyo where Shibuya is close by and got their certification there. Ritsu had told Takano time after time that he didn't need a stereotypical wedding and he was just happy being his in the eyes of the law but his fiance refused to let up. He wanted to give his husband-to-be all that he could and in the end, they had a small wedding. 

He remembers seeing Ritsu dressed in a white suit. It clung to his frame well and made him look so small yet so perfect. He remembers being so awe-struck when he saw him in it when he walked down the aisle. There weren't many people besides their accepting family members and their supportive friends. Takano remembers even seeing An get up in tears because she was so happy for the two. She's an excellent girl now he's gotten to know her over the years. 

They used the backyard of the house they moved into the months before their wedding. Takano made sure to take care of the garden himself so it would be perfect for the day in question. He felt pride seeing the mixture of white flowers adorning their garden and surrounding their wedding area. They had bought plastic chairs that probably weren't the best for their guest's backs and behinds but Takano didn't give a damn. This was Ritsu's, no, their day. Takano admitted to wanting to create their own vows for this and Ritsu liked the idea of it.

When he finally got to see him in the white tux, the golden ring on his finger, and the content rosy look on his partner's face, he finally let it go. He didn't care that tears were slipping out from both their eyes as he spoke with such confidence that didn't shock anyone at this point. 

"I have only loved you, for me, there has been no other than you, Ritsu." Takano smiled, squeezing his husband's hands. "Even when you lied on the sign-out card and said your name was Oda instead of Onodera, I fell for you and only you. A complete and utter idiot who could only blush and stutter because of his feelings for me. You had me gone at that even when all I wanted was to destroy but in the end, we destroyed each other because of a mishap. After two years of dedicating myself to you and trying to help you see that I've been in love with you and that we could try again, fresh from the start, I finally got my wish and you came back. I couldn't describe the warmth you've given me when I finally held you in my arms and I was yours again. I'll take care of you, whether you're sick or not, I'll make sure you'll be happy with me, never to regret this day in the late future."

"Masamune," Ritsu started out, choking and sobbing out his happiness. "I wanted to forget you so hard. I tried everything, I really did, but I never could. Perhaps that's because...I wanted to see you again, I wanted to have a chance with you once more somewhere inside me. I was always yours. I couldn't find it in myself to love if it wasn't you who I was entrusting my person with. It took a while with a bunch of mishaps and some people who tried to tell us that we weren't right for each other but I'm so glad we stood through it. I love you, Masamune and I'm so so happy that I can be Takano Ritsu beside you." 

When they finally kissed, it was full of salty tears, heated lips, and grasping hands. Even though he heard the claps around them, he couldn't bring himself to care when he had Ritsu's soft lips against his as the molded as one. He remembers being so excited for getting to the airport that night so he could get Ritsu all alone to himself to devour and cherish in their bed, surrounded by no one but them and their love overwhelming them in the United Kingdom so Takano could learn about the world Ritsu spent overseas. 

"I did promise to take care of you," Takano whispered, holding Ritsu. He felt exposed and vulnerable and he didn't like it. 

"Are you okay?" Ritsu gently asked, his eyes swirled in concern. Damn, he knew him well. He guessed that was the side-effect of being together for eleven years. 

"Yeah, I'm good." He lied, not wanting to worry about his husband. "I just need you to get up before I ravish you again."

"You're ridiculous as ever." Ritsu narrows his eyes, shaking his head. Even though Ritsu seemed to move on from the fact, the curiosity and concern hadn't left the light in his eyes. How Ritsu knew him well. "Come on, I'll make breakfast. Happy Birthday."

"Try not to burn the pancakes." 

-x-

His birthday was good. If this had been last year, he would have said it was the best he's ever had with Ritsu at his side all day long but the nagging of his age didn't seem to go away. It seemed to remind him in everything he did. 

Bending over because he dropped a book? That back pain is going to be there (even though he had it even before reuniting with Ritsu because of his stressful job.) Yawning because it's been a long day? He's already getting tired by the easiest things. Picking up Ritsu to mess with him? He used to be able to do that without his chest feeling like someone was crushing it. 

He wanted to enjoy his birthday, he really did. After all, his husband was beside him the whole time, wishing him congratulations, as they traveled from location to location in the cold weather on Christmas Eve since all Takano ever wanted, was to spend time together with him on it.

(Censored Smut Warning)

But he thinks he can finally forget it with Ritsu sitting on his lap and Takano's arms wrapped around his torso and their lips pressed heated against each other. The softness of his husband's body is driving him crazy with how flushed he is against him and how well their lips cast against each other like puzzle pieces. His allows his hands to sneak up the hem of Ritsu's button-up and graze the warm skin, sending shivers up his husband's spine. 

He relishes in the groan that Ritsu lets out against his lips. He sneaks his fingers around the front, slowly undoing Ritsu's buttons from the bottom. He trails his fingers up as each button becomes undone, cherishing the skin that is accessed to him with each one he slips through the holes. 

"Ritsu," Takano whispers in his ear, gently blowing on it to cause a squeak to jump out of Ritsu's lovely lips. The way Ritsu keeps pressing himself Takano, urging for more. He's putty in Takano's hands and they both know it. The way his limbs have gone slack wrapped loosely around the man below him and how he completely allows Takano to take control of him just invites the ravenette in for more. 

"Ma," Ritsu chokes out, his voice going weak and high-pitched all the same. "Masamune..."

The shirt that's been hiding Ritsu's lovely chest is now discarded and kicked off the bed. Takano happily trails his hands down Ritsu's arms, revealing in the plush and soft skin before crossing his collarbone, dragging them down to his beautiful torso. He gently trails around the pink nub, invigorated in the way Ritsu hitches his breath and stiffens in his hold. To know he has so much power than him lights a fire in him. 

Ritsu had managed to slip his hands around Takano's torso, tugging at his black sweater, demanding it is tossed off. Takano happened to agree. He sadly had to remove his hands off of Ritsu's marvelous skin and throw his shirt off into a heap on the floor. Ritsu seemed to get brave, slipping his fingers around the front and going down and down and-

"Huh?" Ritsu had a hitch of breath as his hand landed on the front of Takano's jeans and while Takano would have happily encouraged him along, he realized what was wrong. The shame set in first it seemed as Ritsu pulled his head that had been buried in Takano's shoulder and looked down, the shock clear on his face with his parted red-bitten lips. 

Takano wanted to hide away so badly as Ritsu's face contorted into a type of sadness he couldn't bear before meeting Takano's eyes with a cruel understanding of the situation. He removed his hand and gently wrapped his arms around his husband, gently brushing his dark locks. "Hey, it's okay. We're at that age, it happens. We don't have to continue if you don't want to but we can if you want. I don't mind handling myself."

"No!" Takano cursed at the loudness of that shout. "No, I want to continue."

"Are you sure? We can wait until we figured this out." Ritsu pulled back, looking down at Takano with a concerned gaze. "You don't need to be in order to continue but...do you think you can, Masamune? Are you okay? I love you and this doesn't make you any less of a man, you hear me? It's okay if we don't continue."

"No, I want to." Takano wrapped his fingers around Ritsu's waist, grabbing onto those soft love handles. "Unless you don't want to."

"I do. Are you sure?"

"Yes, I want to make love to you, Ritsu." He looked up at his husband because that much as true without a doubt. He loves his husband more than life itself because his husband is his world and no one could dare to argue otherwise. He's happy to make love to him any time he has the chance and he has the chance now even if he won't get hard. "Can I?"

Ritsu nodded, bringing himself face-to-face with Masamune. "Yeah."

Masamune gratefully took this chance to flip Ritsu onto his back, loving to hear the high-pitched gasp as he regained control. He grinned down at Ritsu, focused on nothing but him even if his body was having a hard time keeping up with his mind. 

He'll make love to Ritsu because that's the one thing in this world he won't give up.

-x-

He felt ashamed of everything right now. He didn't care if he looked strange, calling up the hospital to see if he could schedule an appointment with his doctor at night. He did feel ashamed for leaving Ritsu naked in a bed who deserved to be held all night long but the worry and the dread overwhelmed him to be waiting for them to call his name. 

"Takano Masamune?" 

"Right here."

"Follow me this way."

-x-

"Mr. Takano," Dr. Shirayuki, the doctor Ritsu had recommended to him after his former died and was in need of a health consultant, smiled to him as he walked into the small check-in room. "What a surprise it is to see you. I thought you already had your check-up thus year?"

"I did but I'm wondering something," Takano said, feeling like a child sat on the bed before her. 

"Ah, yes I see here you marked about Men's health? Is something wrong?" Dr. Shirayuki asked with a polite but encouraging smile.

"I'm getting older, that much is obvious." Takano clasped his hands, hating how his heart raced and his fingers seemed to shake in his hold. God, this was a mistake, wasn't it? "I've already got my first gray hair."

"Oh, has there been...had an issue regarding the bedroom?" Dr. Shirayuki suggests, cocking her head to the side. She is just the poster girl for curiosity right now.

"There...was an incident," Takano says and breathes in deeply, trying to calm his nerves. "My husband and I were getting into it and in the middle...he realized that I wasn't ready."

"Do you mind if I asked if you continued or not?" Dr. Shirayuki asked professionally.

"He said we could stop but I didn't want to do that," Takano explained. "So we finished. I'm getting older and I hate it. Is there anything you doctors can do?"

"We're not miracle workers," Dr. Shirayuki sighs, probably hearing this from all types of men in their older years. "But yes, we can help but we can't reverse it. You used to smoke, right?"

"Yeah, my job is stressful so it helped." Takano shrugged.

"Why did you?"

Why did he? He tries to think. He wasn't really something powerful or loud that made him want to quit, no, it was more subtle than it. It was the way Ritsu wouldn't look at him and tried to go to the other room or opened up a window whenever he did. Ritsu would rewash Takano's clothes until the smoke smell had drained out of them and he tried to keep air fresheners around the house to cancel the smoke smell. He knew Ritsu hated that he smoked even if he didn't say it out loud. 

"I quit six years ago because I knew Ritsu hated it," Takano explained.

"I'm sure you know all men experience this lack of erection." Dr. Shirayuki smiled. "Most teens tend to not to work all the times despite their increased hormones and stereotypes. It's quite normal and natural, men in their forties and fifties start to experience that more because of the lack of blood flow. Tobacco tends to play a factor in that by making it happen earlier."

'Damn it.' He immediately cursed. He regretted all those cigarettes he smoked even if he only did it for five years. His lung was decent, obviously not the best, but since he stopped they healed up. 

"I'm going to run some tests just to make sure that nothing else is affecting this, is that alright?" Dr. Shirayuki asked, pleased when she saw a stern nod from her patient. "If this is ED, I'm going to prescribe you viagra. When you take it, it can start working as early as twelve minutes or as late to an hour based on the person. You seem like a spontaneous lover so I know this must hit you hard a bit but don't worry, It's alright. After all, your husband is a lovely man and I'm sure he'll understand."

'He already does.' Takano notes in his mind, remembering last night how Ritsu's face has switched from shock to pain to understanding as the realization set in for him. He really did love his husband and he knows his husband loves him back just as deeply.

"Okay." He gets off the bed, following the doctor as she leads him to a nurse who's going to take his blood before she does a physical exam. 

-x-

In the end, it was just as Takano had thought. He stood at the pharmacy counter with a slip for a bottle of Sildenafil that had two main brands Revatio and Viagra. He felt almost ashamed standing there as the pharmacist gave him a nod, said they would be back in a moment, and shuffled to the back to get his medication. 

Medication to get hard, Jesus Christ. His husband was gorgeous and beautiful and one look used to be enough to get him wanting and yet here he was. Why couldn't his body just respond the way it was supposed to? At very least just for his husband who deserved to know how goddamn attractive it is.

"Masamune, there you are!" Ritsu jumped once he entered inside who had been sitting on the couch. He jumped up from his spot and rushed over to him with the most concerned and worried eyes that he had ever seen. He didn't say anything quite yet and instead wrapped his arms around Takano's body. "Don't do that to me! Don't leave me without telling me where you're going. God, what if something happened to you?!"

Damn, he was an idiot. He should have known to ask for a sudden check-up at the clinic and then picking up his prescription at the dead of the morning would have been a bad decision. He guessed he wanted time alone to figure out what he needed and to understand what was happening but fuck that if hurt Ritsu. 

"I'm sorry," Takano whispered, squeezing his husband in his arms. "I'm sorry, I just...wanted to figure this out. It won't happen again, I promise."

"It better not, you-" Ritsu pulled back, glaring up at his husband with teary eyes before halting in his insult, hearing a bag crumple near them. He looked around and a familiar white bag. "Did you...go to the pharmacy?"

"Doctors first." Takano buried his face into Ritsu's shoulder to hide the shame in his heart. "Then pharmacy. She prescribed me Viagra." 

"Okay," Ritsu said, the tension relaxing from his shoulders. "It's okay, you know? It's okay. I knew this would happen one day, I told you that I researched, and wondered about this. It's okay, Masamune. You don't need to be a sex machine for me."

"I'm getting old," He finally revealed the insecurity building up inside him. "I got a gray hair the other day. I hate it. I feel far away from you. It wasn't supposed to be like this."

There was a moment of silence before Ritsu spoke against, "You're an idiot. Come with me." And suddenly, Takano was being dragged to the couch where they sat side by side. 

"Listen to me, Masamune," Ritsu said with a tone that demanded his attention but then again, everything Ritsu did demand Takano's attention. Hell, the way he walks demands Takano's eyes. "It's inevitable we're going to get old and that's what I want! I want to grow old with you, Masamune, it's why I married you! I don't care about /this/ or your gray hairs, it doesn't even define you. I mean, I'm sure you'll look great with gray hair either way. I can't imagine you looking bad in any way." 

Damn, his husband was smart. And damn was he being irrational. 

"Look, I..." Ritsu looked at him with such sincerity, he was about to cry. "I love you. Me and you? This is it for me. It's my endgame and us growing old is just me reaching my goal."

"And what goal is that?" His voice didn't crack and he didn't nearly choke on sobs from the emotions welling up in his throat. 

"To spend the rest of my life with you, idiot!" Ritsu still flushed red at something sentimental as this. He hopes he never loses that quality about him. "So don't worry about it, okay? If you need to pop a pill for our.../us/ time then that's alright. If you get some gray hairs, well, I'm certainly not complaining. You'll look good."

God, he's an idiot. 

"I love you," He threw his arms around Ritsu, pulling him close. "I love you so much, you know? You're it for me too. You're not allowed to go where I can't follow, you hear? You're mine."

"I wasn't planning on it," Ritsu whispered softly, allowing himself to bask in Takano's hugs.

"Good," Takano pulled back and gently cupped his husband's face. He looked into Ritsu's sweet, caring, and most lovely eyes that held all the love and adoration they had felt for each other across the years in this very moment. He gently tipped his head up, pressing their lips together. At first, it was slow and sweet but Takano couldn't help himself but to bite at Ritsu's bottom lips and beg for more which Ritsu so graciously allowed. So maybe Ritsu just happened to find himself on his back on the couch with Takano hovering him, kissing the breath out of him. When he finally pulled back with a smirk, listening to how Ritsu's desperately panted for hair like the wind had been knocked out of him. "Say, why don't we try these now?"

"It's early in the morning! I can't believe you!" Ritsu blushed, rolling his eyes at his husband.

"I'm not hearing a no."


End file.
